The
following is another of the prayer/poems in my book Prayers of an Omega: Facing the Transitions of Aging . These writings reflect my own thinking but also that of people around me. I begin with a verse from Psalm 84 which I made my motto
after my own husband died in 1962. Baca means place of bitterness.
Widow
Psalm
“Blessed are those
whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass
through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs” (Psalm 84:5).
I
will praise you, O Lord, for you have kept
me in your way these many years and didn’t let me fall by the wayside, even
when I despaired of finding the right path.
I
called to you for help during the years after my husband’s death. You brought
me out of the bitter darkness of sorrow.
You
said it was all right to cry.
You
said it was all right to be angry at those who had shoved me outside their
circles.
You
said it was all right to feel the pain I was enduring at the time.
Praise
God, all you who mourn, for you will be comforted.
Praise
our Lord’s name, for his absence is not forever. Weeping may endure for a
season, but joy comes with the dawn.
When
my husband died, though I was sad, I felt secure. I said to myself, “God is
with the widows. I will be taken care of. We’ll make it -- God and I. With God’s strong arm underneath
me, I will be able to weather the worst that can confront me.” The Bible assured me of your promise.
But
when you hid your face and everything went wrong, the latter darkness was
deeper than the first. It was if all my moorings had broken loose at once,
casting me adrift. My former friends left me. The congregation seemed
indifferent to another widow added to the growing list, another unmarried older
woman to visit. Now I didn’t know where to turn.
I
called to you, Lord, again and again. I cried for mercy, for someone to lift
the heavy burden that was bending me so low, that I couldn’t drop it even
during the night.
What
glory was it to you if I had no joy, no strength to carry on? Does defeat
praise you? Does joylessness and
bitterness bless your name?
I
cried for help. Don’t leave me. Show me where you are. Give me some small
evidence that you are with me in this mess.
You
turned my sadness into gladness. I waited and found joy for the journey. You
showed me that if you loved me as I was, husbandless, I could love myself. You
gave me back myself. I could stand erect spiritually. I had worth in your
sight. I had found the place of springs.
May my heart continue to sing your praise. I
will bless your name forever, for you are my God. Amen.
